Author Archives: Sola Adio

Welcome to a broadcast about #ShackingUp

1. My thoughts about #ShackingUp?
2. I define #ShackingUp as co-habitation of unmarried people as though they are married.
3. The web defines #ShackingUp as “to live together as spouses (sexually active) without being legally married.”
4. Some days ago, someone on Twitter asked for my thoughts on #ShackingUp so I decided to put this up.
5. As usual, this broadcast is directed to the Christians. Everyone else is welcome to read them and be blessed by them. #ShackingUp
6. Flipping through the bible very quickly, I couldn’t find bible marriages where couples shacked up. #ShackingUp
7. The closest I found was Jacob. He lived with his father-in-law but no proof he shacked up before marriage. #ShackingUp
8. Apart from abstaining from fornication, the bible doesn’t seem to offer too much info about our conduct as singles. #ShackingUp
9. I couldn’t find any bible text where #ShackingUp was forbidden but I have 4 thoughts to offer on #ShackingUp. Please read on.
10. THOUGHT 1: #ShackingUp violates God’s fundamental concept of marriage. How?
11. God’s fundamental concept of a marriage involves covenant and commitment. #ShackingUp involves none of these.
12. People #ShackingUp have no lifelong commitment to each other. Either can be sent packing from the residence when there is a quarrel.
13. People #ShackingUp have no marriage covenant that was ratified in either a court of law or in the church. They have no legal backing.
14. People #ShackingUp have sex without a marriage covenant so they are actually fornicating and creating sexual #SoulTies
15. #ShackingUp effectively puts you outside God’s definition of marriage and in the fornication zone.
16. #ShackingUp involves no public commitment or public accountability. It based on just an emotional or sexual bond between 2 people.
17. #ShackingUp is just a month to month agreement between a man and a woman as long as they don’t annoy each other.
18. Marriages are held together largely by a strong ethic of commitment, #ShackingUp by it’s very nature tends to undercut this ethic.
19. Men #ShackingUp with ladies don’t introduce the ladies as wives but as partners, which means you are just sex-mates living together.
20. THOUGHT 2: #ShackingUp lays a bad foundation for a Christian marriage
21. Yale University sociologist Neil Bennett found that women who were #ShackingUp with their partner before marriage ….
22. ….were 80% more likely to separate or divorce than those who did not. #ShackingUp
23. This is not surprising as #ShackingUp involves no marriage covenant but free sex and free accommodation perhaps.
24. The National Survey of Families and Households found that couples who were #ShackingUp prior to marriage …
25. … were nearly twice as likely to experience divorce within 10 years (57% vs. 30%.). #ShackingUp
26. When you are #ShackingUp before marriage, you lay a wrong foundation that you build the marriage on.
27. Given the fact that marriage involves no real behaviour or lifestyle changes for #ShackingUp couples, one’s view of commitment….
28. … doesn’t change much after marriage either. It takes more than a piece of paper to get someone out of test-drive mode of #ShackingUp
29. #ShackingUp takes away the motivation to build an enduring relationship. They are just in test-drive mode.
30. A newly married couple makes a deliberate effort to accommodate each other because …  #ShackingUp
31. … they know their relationship will be for life but one or both people #ShackingUp don’t put in that hard work.
32. A properly married couple want to build compatibility, not test it like those who are #ShackingUp
33. Relationship boundaries are not clearly defined in #ShackingUp so it becomes prime soil for growing unhealthy relationship skills
34. Many people #ShackingUp up are still very sexually active with other external people due to lack of any relationship boundaries.
35. THOUGHT 3:  #ShackingUp doesn’t always lead to marriage
36. Most people #ShackingUp do so with either the expectation, or at least openness to the possibility, that it will lead to marriage.
37. And yet, not more than 60% of couples #ShackingUp go on to marry. Why is this? Read on.
38. Women are consistently more likely to see #ShackingUp as a conduit pipe eventually leading them into marriage.
39. While men are consistently more likely to see #ShackingUp as an opportunity for free and more regular sex.
40. If you have all the benefits of marriage without the commitment of marriage, why get married? #ShackingUp
41. As the old saying goes, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” #ShackingUp
42. THOUGHT 4: #ShackingUp favours men, not women
43. #ShackingUp allows the man to have what he wants, freely enjoying the woman without having to become an honourable man first.
44. Boaz was a honourable man. He didn’t just pounce on Ruth because Ruth was broke. He followed due process instead of #ShackingUp
45. Any man wanting to enjoy counterfeit conjugal rights with you through #ShackingUp without following due process is not honourable.
46. Due process involves asking for a woman’s hand in marriage and fulfilling necessary family and religious requirements. #ShackingUp
47. #ShackingUp allows the man to freely enjoy her care-taking & counterfeit conjugality  without having to become an honourable man first.
48. #ShackingUp allows the boyfriend to evade the responsibilities of manhood and remain instead in a protracted state of boyhood.
49. Marriage establishes the relationship on the woman’s terms. #ShackingUp
50. Marriage requires the boyfriend to grow up and become a man for the woman and for their posterity. #ShackingUp
51. In countries like Nigeria, if #ShackingUp fails to result into a marriage, the woman suffers more heavily than the man.
52. A woman was once involved in #ShackingUp with a man for a number of years and this was known to their friendship circles.
53. Unfortunately, it did not result into marriage and they had to go apart. Man eventually settled into a marriage later.
54. Not the same for the woman. The men who were aware of her having been #ShackingUp with their friend avoided her for obvious reasons.
55. That was not the only ugly outcome. See the next tweet. #ShackingUp
56. Anytime she tried to have a relationship outside that circle, someone leaked the story of her failed #ShackingUp to ruin it.
57. There is also a perception by many men that a ladies emerging from failed #ShackingUps without kids could have had some abortions.
58. So #ShackingUp inflicts far more reputational damage on women than men if it doesn’t metamorphose  into a marriage
59. So I hereby submit to you ladies that #ShackingUp puts you at a far more terrible disadvantage if it doesn’t result into marriage.
60. I didn’t make it that way. The society made it that way and not even female activism can alter this societal perception. #ShackingUp
61. As a woman, you are far better off going for a marriage than settling for #ShackingUp with a man, if he truly loves you.
62. I saw on social media recently, reports of a rant by a lady #ShackingUp with a guy who got ‘cheated’ on by the guy.
63. It was also reported that they already had a child. However, the fellow is reportedly no longer interested in her. #ShackingUp
64. So, it’s only the lady feeling the pain and tagging the child along while the man shows up on the block again as pristine. #ShackingUp
65. Ladies, the same men who con you into sham #ShackingUp arrangements will stigmatise you when they are done using you for free sex.
66. #ShackingUp makes a woman look like she’s been married before if she comes out of it and wants to seek another relationship.
67. Men seem to get off far more lightly from a failed #ShackingUp scenario so ladies want to avoid agreeing to #ShackingUp
68. Based on these 4 thoughts, I submit that #ShackingUp is STRONGLY UNADVISABLE and must be STRONGLY discouraged amongst Christians.
69. If a man really loves you that much, he will follow due process. Jacob waited 14 years for the one he truly loved. #ShackingUp
70. If you are #ShackingUp as a Christian, I suggest that you endeavour to either legalise your arrangement or discontinue it.
71. The Lord bless you and make His face to shine upon you in Jesus name. #ShackingUp
72. The Lord will open ur eyes & speak into your ears & guide your feet into the right relationship & marriage in Jesus name. #ShackingUp

Olusola Adio

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